Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
