keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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