You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize