I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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