You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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