Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
