Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
