dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found puke in my bra..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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