I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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