Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
