omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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