You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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