There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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