Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
