So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
