I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Drake has all the answers
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
