So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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