You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
