Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
