It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
