My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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