worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
