just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
