i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
