im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
