Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
