Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
