i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
