Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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