Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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