Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
