So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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