why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
