I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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