Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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