i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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