I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize