Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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