My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
