i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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