The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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