are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
