he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize