she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
