he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
