There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
