Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
