Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
