Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Im part way to drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
