and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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