Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
