The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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