he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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