one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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