Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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