I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
