would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
