Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My bed smells like the plague
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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