Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
