Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
