im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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